8 messages written for friends specifically, across 3 tones. Every one is ready to copy as it stands, or to adapt.
← All welcome to the team messagesArchive started 22 August 2026 · last updated 22 August 2026
“Welcome to the company, which I have described to you accurately and, I now realize, at some length. Delighted you are here. Lunch is on me for the first week only.”
“Welcome, and it is very strange to be writing this to you. Everything I have told you about this place over the years turns out to be broadly accurate, and you can now verify it personally. Delighted you are here.”
“Welcome. I put your name forward because I thought you would be good at this, not because I wanted the lunch company, although that is a genuine secondary benefit. No pressure attached. You will be fine here.”
“Welcome to the company. We are on different floors doing entirely unrelated things, which I suspect is the healthiest possible arrangement for a friendship. Coffee whenever you have worked out where the lifts go.”
“Welcome, and congratulations on getting out of the last one. You spent two years telling me it was fine when it plainly was not. This place has its own problems and none of them are that. Very glad you are here.”
“Welcome. We have not worked together since the old place and I had forgotten how much easier a job is when somebody in it already knows how you think. Genuinely pleased about this one. Lunch on Friday.”
“First day. You will be great. Find me at twelve and I will show you the good coffee.”
“Welcome. The people are good, the tooling is not, and I already told you both. Glad you came anyway.”
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